Our Meaning Behind the Behaviour stories focus on understanding changed behaviours in dementia. This month’s story is a follow-up on Ralph and Annie’s story, “When Home Changes: The Meaning Behind Annie’s Nighttime Wandering” and looks at the meaning behind settled behaviour, and what it looks like when a person living with dementia finally feels safe and at ease.
Settling In Her New Home
Ralph and Annie had lived with their beloved dog, Duke, in their home for many years. Duke was not just a pet; he was family. Annie adored him and worried deeply about his well-being. Like many people who cherish their furry family members, she found comfort, security, and emotional grounding in his presence.
Anyone who has loved a pet can relate to how strong that bond can be – so strong that leaving the house can trigger a sense of separation anxiety for us, not just for our pets. Annie shared that same deep attachment with Duke, and being away from him was emotionally unsettling for her.
When the move to the retirement home became necessary, Duke could not come with them. He was a large dog, prone to barking, and not suitable for the setting. This added another layer of stress and anxiety to an already overwhelming transition for Annie.
Using Therapeutic Reasoning™, Ralph and their daughter, Jennifer, gently explained that the move was temporary while their house was being repaired, and that Duke was safe and well cared for at Jennifer’s home. When Annie asked about him, they reassured her that she would see him again soon. Importantly, they did not repeatedly raise the topic themselves. They responded only when Annie brought it up.
Over time, Duke was rehomed to a family better able to meet his needs. Annie was never burdened with this information. Gradually, she stopped asking about him.
The Meaning Behind Settled Behaviour
Something subtle but powerful happened next: Annie’s anxiety noticeably eased. The questions about Duke faded. The restlessness settled. The nighttime wandering described in the earlier story stopped altogether.
In dementia care, we often focus on new behaviours that appear, but the absence of behaviour can be just as meaningful.
Annie’s new baseline became calmness and comfort. This wasn’t because she had been forced to “let go,” but because the source of her anxiety: worrying about Duke, had quietly slipped from her awareness. Her emotional world had simplified, and with it, came a sense of peace.
This is a crucial reminder: behaviour changes also happen when unmet needs or worries are resolved. When the distressing thought or trigger is no longer present, the behaviour no longer needs to speak for itself.
Two Lives, Improved Quality of Life
Today, Annie is adjusting well to life in the retirement home with Ralph. Their days are calmer. Their nights are restful. Most importantly, they are still able to connect meaningfully as husband and wife, through conversation, shared meals, gentle humour, and familiar routines.
Both lives have improved. Ralph is no longer exhausted and overwhelmed. Annie feels safe, supported, and at ease.
Walking the Long Road of Meaningful Dementia Care
In cases like this, dementia care strategies such as Therapeutic Reasoning™ can make a profound difference. It may take time, patience, and consistency in our responses before we see changes for the better. It requires continual observation to understand the meaning behind the behaviour, and being willing to adjust our approach as the person’s needs evolve to find a gentle path forward.
Sometimes, the most powerful sign that we are doing something right is not what we see happening…but what quietly fades away.
Let’s continue to educate ourselves. Let’s share the stories and lived experiences of people living with dementia and those who care for them, because each story, in its own right, is meaningful. The lessons they offer can bring healing, understanding, and hope to others walking a similar path. When we share openly, people learn, feel less alone, and gain confidence in their caregiving journey. In doing so, we create a culture of compassion – one that honours both the person receiving care and the person giving it.
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If you found this article helpful and if you’re worried about a loved one or a friend and aren’t sure where to turn, you’re not alone. We’re here to help! Reach out, and together we can brainstorm solutions tailored to your unique situation. Start by visiting our website at https://dementiasolutions.ca/private-consulting/ to schedule your free 20-minute consultation with one of our experienced Dementia Care Advisors. We’re here to support you every step of the way.
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DISCLAIMER:
This article is based on a true story; however, names, locations, and certain events have been altered to protect the privacy and confidentiality of the individuals involved. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
The contents of this blog are provided for information purposes only. They are not intended to replace clinical diagnosis or medical advice from a health professional.
