I will never put my mom or dad, who has Alzheimer’s dementia in a care home, you might think. They took care of me all my life and I’m committed to taking care of them now that they’re ill. If they can’t live on their own, then I will move them into my own home and take care of them. This is a noble outlook that comes form the heart, but I caution you to make sure you are ready and able to take on such challenging work as providing 24/7 care to a loved one with a progressive degenerative disease such as Alzheimer’s disease.
Many of us want to take care of our parents because we feel guilty; not because we know we would be able to provide the best care. Guilty, that our parent will feel uncomfortable with a move into a strange home where they will be very unfamiliar with things. We feel guilty because if they’re in a care home, we wouldn’t be as available to them as we would want to be.
I’d like to put these fears to rest. Recognize that you love your parents but you must also live your life. Your parents lived life, and had children and helped them grow to become capable adults. It’s wonderful to help and care for your parents, but you don’t have to be their main caregiver, especially with your own life’s responsibilities of work and family taking up time. Know that you will always be there for your parent, but do not let yourself burn out, as that will happen if you over dedicate yourself to being the primary caregiver.
Your parent will get over the move into a care home. They will adjust. Yes, it will be very difficult at first, just as it would for any move…including if they moved into your home. At least in the care home they will have experienced and knowledgeable caregivers available to them around the clock.
As for visiting your loved one with Alzheimer’s disease, that’s up to you. You can schedule to see them daily if you’re able to. What’s good about moving them into a care home is that if because of your busy lifestyle your visits are short and sparse at times, your parent will always have things to do and people to be around when you’re not there. Care homes are built with people who have dementia in mind. There are always activities available from getting hair/nails done to afternoon tea socials, exercise programs and intellectual stimulating games provided by the staff in the activity department. It is also common for care staff to build warm friendships with the residents which can evolve into a homelike atmosphere. Know that you can set up a daily phone call with your loved one to make sure that you’re still in touch regularly and/or take them out for a few days to stay with you. I have heard of several families taking a loved one home each weekend or once a month for a few days in the beginning to help with transition.
If you’ve got reservations about putting your loved one with dementia in a care home, please call me to discuss it. I can help you understand the type of care your loved one will get and even help bridge the transition and give you ideas of how to make them feel comfortable with activity ideas. Call me for a discussion about the care home system and process, 778-789-1496.
