Communicating Our Stress

There are many ways in which we communicate our anger, distress, or just plain upset. Some of us will raise our voices, while others may clench their fists or even break down in tears. Regardless of how we express our distress, the inevitable follow-up question from those around us is: “What’s wrong?”

The motive behind the question is simple— understanding why a loved one is upset paves the way for finding a solution. Yet, articulating “what’s wrong” can be far more challenging for someone with dementia. In these cases, uncovering the reason behind the behaviour may require some added detective work.

Something Needs To Be Done

Detective work proved to be the key to a solution for a particular family who was struggling in getting their loved one with dementia to take regular showers. In fact, the shower had become a battleground of sorts between ‘Anne’ (the individual with dementia) and her husband ‘George.’ Despite all the powers of his persuasion and the use of various tactics, Anne was combative and steadfast in her refusals, sometimes going several days without showering. As a result, George also became increasingly upset and stressed. Anne’s family knew something had to be done.

Discovering The Reason Behind The Behaviour

They began to take a closer look at why Anne seemed so reluctant to shower. Like detectives, they started asking questions and looking for evidence that could point in the right direction. What was the source of her distress? Was it due to something in her physical environment? Maybe the lighting in the washroom or the temperature of the water? Perhaps she was recalling a past event? While digging for clues, they came to the realization that the trigger for Anne’s refusals was actually right in front of them. it was due to the cognitive effects of dementia. Anne was unable to recognize George as her husband. In her eyes, he was a stranger in her washroom trying to prompt her to undress. He was the trigger for her discomfort.

The Solution

Once this was discovered, the family decided it would be best for Anne’s daughter to help her shower instead of George. Anne’s reaction completely changed as a result. Anne followed her daughter’s directions and was willing to shower when needed. By doing the detective work necessary, the family had worked as a team to uncover the reason behind the behaviour—George and Anne’s stress had been eased and the shower was no longer a daily battleground, much to everyone’s relief. 😊

Disclaimer

This story is based on a real client’s dementia journey although the names and details have been modified to preserve confidentiality and protect privacy. Our “Meaning Behind the Behaviour Stories” are meant for informational purposes and to share best practices in dementia behaviour management. Each person is unique and what may work for one person, may not necessarily work for another. 

If you are in need of advice on understanding ways to have successful interactions with the person you are caring for, contact us for our no-cost 20-minute phone or Zoom consultation for new clients. We cannot responsibly give advice over text or email as each case is different. We want to provide you with the most appropriate and personalized dementia solutions you and your loved one deserve.