A few weeks ago, I was pleasantly surprised to have received a message from a connection on LinkedIn we will call “Ali”. She attended my free talk, “Ways to Reduce Conflict When Caring for Someone with Dementia.” She said that she found the strategies she learned during the workshop to be very helpful and has been using them every day. It’s always heart-warming to hear people who are not only dedicated to learning but equally committed to putting knowledge into practice – this is where the true value of knowledge lies.
In this message, Ali also shared with me an experience with one of her clients who she suspects may have a history of abuse. She wasn’t sure how to best support her client, so she reached out to ask for my advice.
Alis’s Story
Ali was a school teacher in her last profession, who now works in a care home supporting older adults. She has recently started caring for a new client with advanced dementia and shared with me an incident when she was assisting this client in getting dressed. As soon as Ali extended her hands to help her client with her sweater, her client flinched!
Being a school teacher for many years, Ali has had her share of children who had been abused at home or have had one form of trauma or another. Ali recognized her client’s reaction as similar to what she had observed among her students who have a history of abuse.
Trusting Your Instinct as a Caregiver
I cannot emphasize enough how grateful I am for caregivers like Ali. She recognized that the behaviour of her client could be something she needed to be sensitive about. She wasn’t 100% sure about this being the reason for her behaviour since she is new to the field of dementia care.
Ali didn’t just “brush it off.” She had a gut feeling which made her concerned, so she reached out and asked for advice. There is also a possibility that she could be wrong in that her client could have just been startled, but it’s important to pay attention when we are caring for someone.
Ali’s story is a perfect and inspiring example of supporting someone using person-centred care. She pays attention to her clients – to both their verbal and non-verbal cues. In this case, she observed her client’s body language and facial expression. This prompted her to recall her memories and experiences as a teacher supporting children with past trauma.
The Dementia Language – Behaviour as a Means to Communicate
The people we support, whether or not they are able to talk, have their way of communicating with us … through their behaviour. This is why I repeatedly say, “there is always a reason behind the behaviour.”
When the person we are caring for is behaving strangely is being uncooperative or even aggressive, it’s important for us to understand the reason for their behaviour. Once we know why we will then be able to come up with the best ways to support the person.
Instinctively, we trust and open up to someone who has displayed to us that they want to keep us safe and secure. As caregivers, we can only effectively do our job, if we have our client’s trust, support, and permission. We get their trust, support, and permission when we can demonstrate to them that we “see” them and are listening to what they are saying through their words, body language, and behaviour.
In our CDCP™ Dementia Designation program, we remind our students that in situations like this one, we should read her body language as our client tries to communicate with us. A flinch could mean:
“You scared me. I thought you were going to hurt me. I didn’t know you were only trying to help me with my sweater. Next time, please let me know what you are planning to do next before you touch me. It would also help me a lot if you can be within my line of sight and move more slowly or gently and explain what you are doing.”
When something like this happens, the best thing to start off with is to apologize in a calm and gentle voice, while making sure that we are in a position where our client can see and hear us. In this case, we can get down to their level in a safe hearing distance and say something like, “I am so sorry, it looks like I frightened you. I didn’t mean to do that. I was only trying to fix your sweater. Once again, I’m so sorry.”
When we are supporting new, or even existing clients with dementia, stories like Ali’s help to remind us that although this may be “routine” for us, this may be a “new relationship” for them. Give yourself time to get to know all your clients and for your clients to get to know you. This takes time, patience, paying attention, and figuring out the best way to communicate with your client. You may want to let your client take the lead in the relationship.
As always, we would love to hear from you. Have you ever felt you needed to be more sensitive to some of your clients/residents who are living with symptoms of dementia, especially those who are not able to verbally communicate well? We welcome you to send us an email at [email protected]. Keep up the great work!
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this blog are provided for information purposes only. They are not intended to replace clinical diagnosis or medical advice from a health professional.
