Uneasy silences, uncomfortable small talk and the sound of a clock ticking ever so slowly— for too many people, this is the reality of visiting a loved one with dementia. Some visits become stress-ridden ordeals, while others feel like missed opportunities for bonding, more smiles shared, for meaningful conversation. Why do we struggle to figure out what to say or do in the company of those we love? Why can’t we make the precious moments spent together, whether at a nursing home or place of residence, more engaging?
As a Dementia Consultant, I’ve witnessed families grapple with these questions and have identified some effective techniques that I’ve been using for over 25 years. We wanted to share this just in time for the holidays.
In order to connect, we must first understand dementia’s impact on the brain. Common symptoms include faulty reasoning, problems communicating, impaired coordination, personality changes, and memory loss. It’s a list that reads like a perfect storm for hampering social interaction. Whether it’s a grandparent unable to recognize their grandchildren, a friend perplexed at the jokes they once giggled at, or a parent answering questions with mumbled words, dementia’s effects can be isolating and create a daunting feeling of separation during visiting times.
Reminiscing therapy is a great way to bridge that divide. Sparking happy memories from the past, by bringing up enjoyable subjects during conversation or using other stimuli, has the positive effect of reducing anxiety and enhancing well-being. Tapping into a storehouse of memories that have remained intact despite the effects of Alzheimer’s disease can shift an individual’s mood, bring a smile to their face, and perhaps even prompt a bit of laughter. The concept is simple—recalling pleasant memories can make anyone feel good. The key, however, is finding the pathway to access those memories and that’s when getting a bit creative comes in handy.
Playing music, singing, drawing and colouring are all ways in which reminiscing therapy and cognitive stimulation can be put into practice when visiting a loved one with dementia. Singing verses of old songs or playing a favourite tune from the past can help enliven visiting times and provide other topics to converse about. After playing a familiar childhood tune song like “You Are My Sunshine,” you could say, “What do you recall about singing that song when you were young?” or “Tell me about the types of summer activities you enjoyed” or “Can you remember spending time on a sunny beach?” The answers then can lead to other discussions and more happy memories from long ago.
Using age-appropriate colouring books can be another fun activity during visiting times that even young children can participate in. When using colouring crayons or markers that are easy to grip, and limiting the colours to a few choices (as too many choices can cause anxiety), a colouring activity can be a therapeutic way to connect with someone with dementia. Colouring an image that prompts happy memories—such as an illustration of a tea set, a car in a driveway, or flowers in a garden—can stimulate further discussion. Think about the types of environments, hobbies and activities the individual with dementia enjoyed. Did they often have friends over to share a cup of tea? Did they work on cars a lot? Did they love gardening? Try to steer conversations in these directions.
At the heart of these creative strategies is the basic recognition that people are people despite dementia, and that having a dementia diagnosis doesn’t take away someone’s entire identity—their particular likes and dislikes, or the happy moments from their past. Armed with this understanding, and perhaps an old song and a colouring book as well, every visit becomes an opportunity for joyful connection.
Karen’s Home Life Memories – A Therapeutic Colouring & Activity Book for Older Adults is now available – makes a great gift! Click here to order.
