Stop and Ask “Why?” – The Key to Being a Proactive Caregiver

When faced with difficult behaviour displayed by someone with dementia, many caregivers tend to get caught in a cycle of frustration that leaves them feeling helpless. Stopping to take a deep breath and a much-deserved break, even for a few minutes, is always my first piece of advice. Then comes the all-important second step: Once ready to dive back into problem-solving mode, caregivers need to ask the question: “Why?” It’s a simple 3-letter word, but asking “Why?” is the key to being a proactive caregiver.

The Story of Alice’s Detective Work

When I think about the importance of being proactive, the story of a woman named “Alice” comes to mind. Like so many others, Alice has aging parents who are both affected by some form of cognitive impairment. One day, while visiting her parents at their home, Alice noticed that her mother’s behaviour appeared odd. Alice could have simply relegated the strange behaviour to the general category of her mother’s dementia, but instead, she decided to dig deeper. She asked herself, “Why is my mum not acting like her usual self?” To find the answer she began her detective work by gathering clues and investigating around the house. Then an idea struck! “Could it be a problem with her medications?” Alice wondered.

She was right; her mother hadn’t been taking her medications correctly! Now that she understood the cause of the problem, Alice decided to get creative in finding the right solution. So she contacted the pharmacist and asked him to put her medications into blister packs. (Blister packs have sealed compartments with the right amounts of the right medications to be taken at certain times of the day.[1]) Alice also hid away the wrong medications that her mother had been taking previously. Finally, since Alice lives in a different city, she requested the housekeeper, who came in once a week, to check her medications and keep an eye on how her mother was doing.

By taking the necessary steps, Alice had found a solution that worked. Her story is a great example of how asking the right question can be a launching point for becoming a proactive caregiver. Whether it’s wandering, anxiety, or aggression, the next time you observe a challenging dementia-related behaviour, stop and ask “Why?”

[1] https://safemedicationuse.ca/newsletter/newsletter_BlisterPack.html