Moving out of a home you’ve lived in for years is never easy. Even when the move is positive, it takes time to adjust to a place that has no history, no emotional connection, and none of the familiar routines that make a space feel like “home.” For someone living with dementia, that loss of familiarity can feel unsafe and, at times, even traumatic.
Ralph and Annie’s Story
“Ralph” and “Annie” had lived in their family home for decades. Their routines, memories, and sense of comfort were woven into every part of that space. But as Annie’s dementia progressed, so did her Anosognosia, that is, she couldn’t see that her abilities were changing or recognize that she needed support.
While she could still make a cup of tea, many of the tasks she once handled with ease, such as, cooking, cleaning, laundry, had quietly shifted to Ralph. And as his own health began to decline, he knew he was reaching a point where he could no longer manage everything on his own. A move wasn’t just practical; it was becoming necessary.
Still, the biggest question remained: How do you help someone move when they truly believe nothing is wrong?
A Therapeutic Approach
Using Therapeutic Reasoning™ and working together with their son, “Henry,” father and son created a plan that would protect Annie from fear or confusion. They framed the move as a short “vacation” – a brief relaxing time away from their home
One day, when they were both out, Henry called with an “update” to his Mom and Dad: the road to their house was closed, and the water wasn’t running. The insurance company, he said, would pay for a temporary stay elsewhere. That “temporary” place was the retirement home Ralph had chosen weeks earlier.
When they arrived, Annie accepted the explanation easily. She believed it was only for a little while, and that sense of temporality helped her settle without resistance or distress.
This kind of gentle redirection – meeting the person where they are- can make transitions far less overwhelming for individuals with dementia, particularly those with Anosognosia. It offers a softer landing, giving them time to adjust without fear.
Echoes of Discomfort
Soon after settling in, Ralph noticed something new. In the middle of the night, Annie would quietly wander around their suite, making soft, low “moaning” sounds, what he initially described as “ghost sounds.” He wasn’t sure what to make of it. Was she scared? Confused? Trying to express something she couldn’t put into words?
As he observed her more closely, he began to interpret the situation better. As Ralph had said, “I’ve come to interpret the middle-of-the-night wandering and moaning ghost sounds as agitation.”
With over 25 years of experience supporting families as a Dementia Consultant and Educator, I can say this interpretation is very likely right. Behaviours such as wandering, pacing, or soft vocalizations often reflect discomfort, uncertainty, including difficulty adjusting to a new environment. They aren’t random – they’re signals about what the person is feeling or needing.
Understanding the Meaning Behind the Behaviour
Annie was in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar sounds, routines, and surroundings. She couldn’t explain her discomfort verbally, but her behaviour conveyed what she was feeling:
“I’m unsettled. I’m scared. I’m unsure. I need reassurance.”
And that reassurance came from the person she trusted most – her husband. The one familiar, constant, and reassuring presence in her life now.
Whenever Annie woke unsettled, Ralph approached her gently. He used calm, steady language, anchoring her in the story she believed:
“Everything’s okay. We’ll head back home once the roads are fixed. For now, we’re staying somewhere safe, with kind people and good food.”
His words reassured her. They gave her something familiar to hold onto. They helped her feel grounded in a moment that otherwise felt confusing and overwhelming.
Over time, as Annie grew comfortable in her new surroundings, the nighttime wandering and vocalizing faded.
A Gentle Path Forward
Ralph and Annie’s journey is a powerful reminder that in dementia care, behaviour is communication. These moments are often the person’s way of expressing fear, discomfort, or unmet need, especially during major life changes.
When we listen with empathy and respond with understanding, we help create safety in the unfamiliar. We soften the hard edges of transition. We honour the person’s experience while supporting their well-being.
A dementia-informed approach doesn’t erase the challenges of change, but it transforms the way we meet them. And when we take the time to educate ourselves about the nuances of dementia and the principles of person-centred care, we become better equipped to see the person behind the behaviour, not just the symptoms.
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DISCLAIMER:
This article is based on a true story; however, names, locations, and certain events have been altered to protect the privacy and confidentiality of the individuals involved. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
The contents of this blog are provided for information purposes only. They are not intended to replace clinical diagnosis or medical advice from a health professional.
