“Marguerite” had been noticing troubling changes in her husband, “Ernest’s” behaviour, particularly around bathing. As his dementia progressed, it became more challenging to convince Ernest to take baths. The problem got worse after his move to the care home.
The Behaviour That Raised Questions
Having known her husband for many years, Marguerite’s intuition suggested there was something more beneath the surface. She noticed that Ernest became particularly distressed when male caregivers were involved, a pattern that was unusual and troubling. His panic was intense, and he referred to the caregivers as “bad men.”
A Possible Link to Past Trauma
Marguerite suspected that Ernest’s resistance and distress may be rooted in a deep-seated trauma, one that Ernest might not fully remember but still deeply felt.
She reflected on Ernest’s lifelong modesty, which seemed to intensify during bath times. The panic he experienced, particularly when caregivers attempted to undress him, hinted at something more significant than just discomfort. Marguerite believed that past trauma, possibly from childhood sexual abuse, had shaped this current behaviour, and now, in his later years, was resurfacing and was triggered in the presence of male caregivers when he is in a vulnerable state, such as taking off his clothes at bath times.
The Need for a Compassionate Solution
Marguerite’s request for female caregivers was a first step towards accommodating Ernest’s emotional needs. However, we proposed an alternative solution: Ernest could wear a bathing suit, with the mesh part cut out, during bath time. This way, he could maintain his modesty while still receiving the necessary assistance in a way that felt safe for him. The bathing suit would provide him with a sense of control, and his female caregivers could gently help him under it, allowing for a compassionate and practical solution.
The Impact of Understanding the Behaviour
After implementing the new bathing routine, Marguerite reported success! Ernest, who once struggled with fear and distress during baths, was now calm and even smiled through the process. Both Ernest and his caregivers were at ease, making the experience more comfortable for everyone involved.
The Meaning Behind the Behaviour
This story highlights how important it is to look beyond surface-level behaviour and understand the deeper meanings behind it. Ernest’s refusal to bathe wasn’t just about his dementia. It was a form of communication, a message from his body and his history. Recognising this allowed us to address his needs with greater sensitivity and respect, rather than simply attributing it to being uncooperative.
When we take the time to consider the underlying reasons for a behaviour change, we can offer care that goes beyond the physical. In Ernest’s case, this meant honouring his dignity and offering a solution that made him feel safe and in control. Understanding the trauma behind his behaviour allowed us to provide him with the care he needed, without resorting to force or anxiety-inducing solutions.
Ernest’s story reminds us that behaviour is often a form of communication, especially in those with dementia. When we approach care with empathy and a willingness to listen, we can uncover the deeper meaning behind behaviours that might otherwise be misunderstood. By understanding the trauma that shapes our loved ones, we can offer them care that helps to preserve dignity and fosters trust.
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DISCLAIMER:
This article is based on a true story; however, names, locations, and certain events have been altered to protect the privacy and confidentiality of the individuals involved. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
The contents of this blog are provided for information purposes only. They are not intended to replace clinical diagnosis or medical advice from a health professional.
