Refusing to bathe or shower is common in the world of dementia care.

We can appreciate that it can be a stressful and frustrating experience to assist someone, who is seemingly “uncooperative” or “difficult.” This is especially true when you have a long list of other important chores to do.

Caring for someone also means helping them preserve their dignity. This includes times when they are most vulnerable, such as, during bathing. Just imagine if it was you in their place.

When someone we are caring for refuses to take a bath, do we just give up; or, do we do some more investigating to find out why?

Investigating Why “Molly” is Refusing to Bathe

‘Molly’ was a beautiful First Nations lady with early dementia. She was very much independent and communicative.

Her family, for the longest time, could not convince Molly to take a bath.

They tried different approaches but nothing worked. So, they dug deeper to understand why Molly absolutely refused to take a bath.

Molly’s family did some investigating and realized that as part of her cultural practices, Molly used to take her baths at midnight. They gave it a try and it worked!

Molly came from a very supportive and close-knit family. The family stuck with what worked. They came up with a schedule rotation and took turns in helping Molly with her bath at midnight. They kept doing this until she passed away as a way to honour her.

When caring for someone with dementia, it’s always about being in their world. It’s about working with the person we are caring for and not against.

They kept the peace and bath time became a pleasant memory for Molly and her family.

In a previous article, we have listed a few key and clever tips in bathing a loved one with dementia. This article include several things you can try to help bath time a more pleasant and enjoyable routine.

There’s Always a Reason Behind the Behaviour

There’s always a reason for someone’s behaviour (including ours). 

We have to remind ourselves that every person will be different, including bathing preferences. There are various reasons why a person may not want to take a bath.

It can be something as simple as feeling shy or modest. It may be because they want to maintain their autonomy and independence. Still, for others, it could be something environmental or physical. It may be the bathroom is too cold or they themselves are feeling cold. It is also possible that they may not know what steps to do next for the task.

Whatever it is, it is well worth it to ask a few questions. Let’s invest in a little more patience and do more investigating into the reason why.