Feelings Of Home
Where do you feel most happy and comfortable? Where do you go when you are sick and need to spend time in bed to get better? Where can you wear the most comfortable of clothes and just lay about, watching TV? Home. That’s where Max wanted to go, and he was packing his bag to leave.
The thing was, Max was home at the care home where he had been transferred to a year ago due to his Alzheimer’s disease. So, why did he say he wanted to go home? Where was home to Max? It was his home of years gone by. Where Max lived and built memories as a father, a husband, and an active adult.
Generally, he did feel at home at the care home, as the facilities were great and the wonderful staff made him comfortable. Only when he felt sick did he feel the care home was a place he had to be in. For a reason unknown to him, until he was able to go home. He remembered “home” as his old home. A place he recognized, and was comfortable in, and he had not built memories of “home” beyond the memories built in his old home.
Living In A New Place
This is an example of how many people with mid to late stage Alzheimer’s may feel. When they have to live in a new place to be given better care for their disease. Only they will always associate their old home, a place where they built memories over years, as their home. When Alzheimer’s disease takes hold, memories start to deteriorate. People with dementia are not able to make new memories easily. And like an onion, the outer layers or most recent memories fade faster and the deeper memories (such as their old home) last longest.
Max was not feeling well because he had a urinary infection. Which can bring on symptoms of delirium. Delirium is a medical emergency that needs medical attention to address the infection or pain.
The Creative Solution
The caregivers at the home had to wear their creative hats every time Max tried to pack and leave to go “home,” or mentioned he wanted to go “home.” They knew they had to use a few role-play situations. To help Max weather his recovery from infection at the care home. To convince him to stay, here are some of the responses they gave him:
“We’ve already paid for the night at this hotel, and we don’t want to waste the evening. It’s a nice place; let’s just stay for tonight and go in the morning.”
“There is really good food coming. Let’s eat first and we’ll pack later.”
“The nurses here are really knowledgeable about your condition. If you stay for tonight, they can take care of the infection and then we can start packing go home.”
Each justified scenario convinced Max to defer leaving. And bought time until his infection was under control and he was feeling much better. By that time Max had forgotten all about packing up his things up, and finally he stopped packing to go.
If you’re trying to stop someone with Alzheimer’s dementia from leaving or packing their items to “go home.” You might get resistance and disagreement. If you need help; if the person doesn’t accept your rationalized response for why they should stay, then you’ll need a professional’s help. First, don’t let your loved one leave; call me right away at 778-789-1496, and I’ll assess the situation and offer tailored solutions for your situation.
Karen 🙂
Karen Tyrell, CDP, CPCA
Personalized Dementia Solutions
www.DementiaSolutions.ca
