Life transitions, especially moving into a new place is very difficult for most people, even if we understand the reasoning behind the change. For people with dementia however, who don’t understand why they need to go through the transition, are uncomfortable with change and strangers, and have to let go of perhaps the only familiar face they know, it’s excruciating.

A Difficult Decision

Our story is about a sweet caregiver who just could not handle the caregiving for her dear husband any longer. Caring for him was extremely challenging emotionally and physically for Vera. It was the most heart-breaking and difficult decision she had to make. Moving Oliver into a care home, she knew that he would get better care.

The day came when Vera helped move Oliver into the new care home, his new home. When it was time to go, Oliver wanted to go with her. He would not and could not understand why she would leave him behind. This happened for each visit for several months after he moved into the care home.

An Interesting Solution

I decided that something had to be done, as Vera was a mess each time she had to leave Oliver. As Oliver was very physically fit, and the dementia was solely ravaging his mind, I decided to use it to our advantage. We put on our thinking caps on and came up with an interesting solution.

We wrote a very professional letter to Oliver from the care home, on letterhead:

“Dear Oliver,

This letter is to inform you how truly grateful we are having your assistance! You’ve been such an excellent volunteer, and we just can’t imagine doing this work without your help. We truly hope you will continue working with us, and thank you for your continued efforts.”

We pinned the letter on his cork board in his room, and whenever Vera had to leave Oliver. Vera would point out the letter and let him know how important he was around the care home as a volunteer. The first few times Vera read the letter, Oliver wasn’t sure what to make of it. But because the letter was official, he relaxed and didn’t put up a fuss to go home with Vera. After a few more times that Vera visited, Oliver had actually taken up the role of volunteer to heart. He helped move wheelchairs, people in and out of buses, and was an asset to the nurses. The nurses were as appreciative of him as the letter stated. Oliver started believing his role as the volunteer as his persona. He worked hard and showed pride and wanted to show off the letter to all who visited him.

Finding Purpose

As you would imagine, finding purpose in his new home has helped Vera greatly. It went a long way in helping heal her own emotional hurt for leaving her husband behind, living at a care home.

As I always say, it’s about being creative and creating convincing visuals (acting being a visual or the official letter being a visual) to make caregiving easy for both the caregiver and loved one with dementia. I’m always helping caregivers with transitions and thinking up visuals to help; please contact me if you’re finding a transition difficult, (778) 789-1496.