As an adult, who makes decisions for you, decisions of what to eat, who to be friends with, where to live, and what to buy? I’d imagine you just said, “I do!” Would you agree to have someone else, even a family member make a big decision for you, such as to move out of your home? I think you just said, “why should they, it’s my decision to make.”
A War Veteran Story
Unfortunately, someone who has early Alzheimer’s disease, may not have the full capacity to make sound and safe decisions for themselves. Our story starts with Bill, he is a war veteran who has early Alzheimer dementia. He and his wife live in a nice and comfortable retirement home. They have everything they need and are living happily there.
The problem? Bill’s dementia was slowly progressing and so was his wandering and confusion. He is often leaving the retirement home and getting lost outside in the community. Many times the staff had to go looking for him in the streets and would call his daughter to let her know he’s lost.
They finally decided that her dad was no longer able to stay living in the Retirement home.
A New Home
Stephanie searched out a new retirement home close to where she lived. It would need to have a memory care unit that would be able to keep an eye on him better than his current home. And be able to help him as his dementia got worse. Stephanie informed her parents, “Dad, you and mom will have to move out to a new retirement home early next week closer to where live.”
Bill was not happy about this and it came out in his behaviour. There was distress and anger. He felt they should stay in their current home where they were comfortable. And that this was not Stephanie’s or anyone else’s decision.
A few days later when I was scheduled to meet up with Stephanie and her parents, Bill was angry in leaving the retirement. Stephanie and I walked around the perimeter of the building. Then we went driving around and found him walking several blocks away. It took us some time but we finally convinced him to get into the car, and brought him back to the home.
Therapeutic Reasoning
When we got back and with some quick thinking I stepped in and played the role of a representative from Veteran’s Affairs (Therapeutic Reasoning), to help him and to offer him a great offer. “Bill, the choice is really up to you…but I want you to be aware this new place is being promoted for veterans and because of this, we are giving veterans like yourself half off the accommodation rate!”
Both Stephanie and I saw his eyes light up. Bill loved to save money, and it was in his nature to take a deal. Using more therapeutic reasoning, I was able to engage his rational brain and convince him what a good idea it would be to move.
Making The Decision
Knowing that it was important to make Bill feel that he was making the decision. I explained that it would be his choice whether he’d like to stay here and pay the increased rent that was soon coming into effect. Or move to a place that’s going to save him money. Taking a cue from me, Stephanie went on to explain how the new place was closer to her home. It was warmer than his current home, and all his friends would be able to visit anytime they wanted. He started liking the idea even more. He felt that it was posed to him as a choice with better benefits to move, and he agreed.
Using therapeutic reasoning takes quick thinking and a bit of playacting to convince someone of doing something good for them. The important thing also to note is, everyone including those with dementia. They want to feel they have a choice and their decisions are respected. Forcing someone to do something will never yield results and will breed displeasure and disagreement.
If you have to help convince your loved one of making a difficult decision that is in their best interest and safe for them, call me as I would love to be able to help out: 778-789-1496.
