Christmas is a magical time of the year—a time for huddling by the fireplace, drinking eggnog, and, most importantly, spending quality time with loved ones. However, despite all the merriment, Christmas can also be a time for stress as well. Congested mall traffic, harried shoppers, the pressure of playing host to demanding relatives or opinionated coworkers—it can all be a little too much. Yet it’s important to remember that for family members of those with dementia, these common Christmas-related anxieties can often be compounded by added concerns.
An example of an added concern, may be the repeated question of “Have we bought the Christmas presents yet?” as illustrated by the story of a daughter (‘Gloria’) who lived with her mum (‘Fay’), who was in the early to mid stages of dementia. One holiday season, Fay kept repeatedly asking Gloria about when they were going to go Christmas shopping. Though Gloria explained that they had finished the shopping early, Fay kept asking, even a few days after Christmas was over. Gloria was as patient as possible but the relentless questioning was driving her crazy. She knew that dementia was causing her mum’s short-term memory loss, but, like so many family caregivers, she felt helpless about what to do.
Deciding to reach out for advice, Gloria attended my support groups and I shared with her some insights into caregiver strategies. Understanding the importance of playing ‘detective’, she then began gathering clues about what could be triggering her mum’s questions. She put everything under the magnifying glass— Was the weather to blame? Was it the sounds from outside? Was it the flyers and catalogues they got in the mail? One day, the answer presented itself! The triggers were the Christmas decorations at home. Fay would forget she had been shopping and the sight of all the decorations would prompt her to ask her daughter about it. Having pinpointed the triggers, Gloria decided that next season she would not decorate the house as heavily or simply decorate closer to Christmas day.
Just as there are triggers for general holiday-related stress, there can also be particular triggers around Christmas time for those with a diagnosis of dementia resulting in difficult times for caregivers. Identifying these triggers may require a bit of detective work of course. Remember, a trigger may be a particular Christmas carol, the overpowering scent of a candle, or even, as in the case of Gloria and Fay’s story, may come in the form of seeing candy canes and mistletoe.
