One of the symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia (LBD) is anxiety and anxiety-related behaviours. For instance, individuals with LBD are known to repeatedly ask about their loved ones especially when they are not around. Closely related to this behaviour are delusions or holding on to beliefs not based on reality; and paranoia, manifesting as a general lack of trust in other people.
Now, imagine caring for someone with progressing Lewy Body Dementia for many years.
When Your Spouse Accuses You of Having An Affair
Ann has been caring for her husband Fred who has Lewy Body Dementia for several years. Fred’s symptoms were mild but things took a turn when the hallucinations become much more than Ann could handle.
This is when Ann made the tough decision to have Fred live in a care home. As a family caregiver, Ann knew that she needed to take care of herself first, so she can continue to take care of her husband.
Initially, Fred seemed to settle in well. However, he would often wonder what Ann was up to. He didn’t seem happy that he was there but Ann wasn’t. He feared that Ann was out galivanting with other men. To make matters worse, he would often make hurtful comments to Ann and accuse her of things that aren’t based on reality.
Although Ann understands that it’s Fred’s dementia that’s causing him to make these hurtful comments, it still hurt her and caused her undue stress.
Fred’s New “Love” Language
It is not uncommon to observe changes in behaviour including preferences among people with dementia.
Though exchanging mushy cards for Valentine’s Day or any occasion has never been a practice between Ann and Fred, she decided that on their first Valentine’s Day apart, she would give Fred a “mushy” card for a change.
She really didn’t bother reading what was written on the card as she assumed Fred wouldn’t read it or understand it anyway. Much to her surprise, Fred LOVED the card and told her how much that card meant to him.
Surprised by Fred’s reaction, Ann read the card for herself.
Mushy cards were not normally their “thing” but after seeing his reaction and how much he enjoyed reading them over and over, she decided that mushy cards were going to be their new tradition.
Ann accidentally discovered Fred’s new “love language” and learned to “speak” it!
Who knew how a simple card could lift his spirits and reduce his worries about her continued commitment to him and their marriage?
Never Assume, Try Anything and Everything
The journey with any progressive type of dementia is never an easy one and can often change. As the behaviour of the person we are caring for changes, so should our perspective and approach!
We cannot assume that the person we are caring for cannot understand or comprehend. Remember, the person with dementia may not remember what you did or what you said or even remember your name, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Ann is aware that as caregivers we need to change our ways and our approach.
This Father’s Day, Ann had already picked out the card he is giving Fred and is looking forward to sharing it with the husband and father of her children who are living with Lewy Body Dementia and a new lover of mushy cards.
