“Julie” is the primary caregiver for her Mom, “Caroline,” who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease a few years ago. As Mom now requires more support, Julie decided that it was best to move in and live at her Mom’s house.
Julie and her Mom have always had a good relationship. The only “complaint” Julie has about Caroline is that her Mom has always been a very impatient person (even before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease). Her Mom hates waiting and does not have any patience for it. This impatience is worse now that her Mom has symptoms of dementia because Caroline does not have any concept of time.
Whenever they had plans to go out, Julie would help her Mom get ready first. She helps her with her meals, assists in her Mom’s personal hygiene, and in getting her outfit ready. Julie would then hurry to get herself ready and dressed. This usually takes around fifteen to twenty minutes. Still, her Mom would repeatedly ask, “Where are you?”, “We’ve got to go!”
Understandably, Mom’s impatient behaviour can be very stressful and upsetting for Julie. This behaviour is putting a strain on their relationship and is slowly causing Julie to experience caregiver burnout. She contacted me recently to ask for my help.
A Creative Solution that Worked in Managing Caroline’s Impatient Behaviour
Since Caroline no longer has any concept of time, correcting her about the time, or trying to get her to understand how long of a wait fifteen minutes is, would not work and would only cause more tension in the relationship between mother and daughter.
Julie’s brother, “Kyle” lives in another city. Although he could not be around physically to help Julie, he has always wanted to help out in their Mom’s care. I suggested a collaboration between Julie and Kyle as a way to distract Mom while she waits for Julie to get ready.
Our strategy was for Julie to send a text message to Kyle a few minutes before she started to get Caroline ready to leave the house. This would give Kyle a heads-up to give their Mom a call and keep her on the phone while Julie gets herself ready for the day.
Julie contacted me recently and reported that this strategy is working well with Mom!
How a Dementia-Related Behaviour Brought a Family Closer Together
Though each family is different and not everyone has a family member they can ask for help from, it’s important to not be shy or hesitate to ask for help when it is available.
Sometimes family members and friends want to help. They just don’t know how.
Caroline’s dementia-related behaviour has opened an opportunity for her son to step in and help in caring for her. This allowed Kyle to experience that he is serving a purpose as a long-distance family caregiver. By the simple act of calling and talking to his Mom, he is able to support both his Mom and sister, Julie.
Those few minutes that Kyle is on the phone talking with their Mom each morning give Julie time for self-care. Instead of rushing, Julie is now able to get ready in peace without the added stress of acknowledging her Mom’s repetitive questions. These few minutes on the phone provide Julie with some respite she desperately needs to maintain good well-being as their Mom’s primary caregiver.
Last but not least, this simple adjustment in their family’s routine has allowed more harmony in their family and household.
Dementia affects not just the person with dementia, but it directly impacts their families and the people who care about them. Asking for help, from family, friends, or experts in the field can make the family caregiving journey not only lighter but also meaningful. I would like to thank “Julie” for allowing us to share their story to help other family caregivers find the courage to ask for help.
If you have concerns about a loved one or a friend and don’t know what to do, you are not alone. Reach out and ask for help. We can help by brainstorming ideas with you that will best suit your situation. Begin by contacting us through our website www.DementiaSolutions.ca to arrange your free 20-minute consultation with one of our Dementia Care Advisors.
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this blog are provided for information purposes only. They are not intended to replace clinical diagnosis or medical advice from a health professional.
