A Battle of the Wills Over Dentures

Imagine waking up in the morning and being told to brush your teeth, wash your face and take a shower. Then imagine being told when to have your breakfast, which table to sit at and what to eat. If the instructions just keep coming, by afternoon you would likely be simmering with frustration. It’s a common sentiment—no one likes being constantly told what to do. Being a caregiver for someone with dementia, it’s important to consider this. And to be aware of how receptive or averse someone is to taking direction. After all, what may be “helpful guidance” for you could sound like “obnoxious orders” to the person listening. And may lead them to constantly refuse to do what you want them to.

In the case of a particularly strong-willed lady “Anne”. She has dementia and was refusing to take her dentures out at night. A battle of the wills between her and the professional caregivers at the care home was proving to be very strenuous. To solve the problem, Anne’s daughter “Liz” was informed of the nightly battles and was asked for her advice. By not taking out her dentures it was putting Anne at risk of problems with her oral health. The caregivers had tried persuading and cajoling her, but the more they spoke, the more reluctant she became.

Understanding The Issue 

Hearing this, Liz immediately understood what the issue was. Anne had always had an “Alpha” personality—she was determined, tough and could be incredibly stubborn, which is why telling her what to do was rubbing her the wrong way. Liz suggested a different tactic. She instructed the caregivers to show Anne her denture case before going to bed by holding it up and then placing it on her table, without a word uttered. The caregivers decided to try this and -presto! It worked like magic!

Often, when faced with resistance from someone like Anne to something vital to their best interests, our instincts may be to put our foot down and insist even more strongly. In the case of dealing with someone with dementia symptoms, this is usually not the best strategy. In fact, it can lead to a full-on battle of the wills, leaving both sides feeling stressed out, irritable and, not to mention, exhausted.

So instead of fighting a losing battle, put your detective hat on instead. Uncovering the reason behind the behaviour, like a detective would, is so important— whether that reason is a trigger like a sight or sound, a past memory, or a personality trait. Then, once you come to realize the reason for the behavior, your creative brain will be able to generate effective solutions for the situation. The goal is to keep the peace, reduce stress for everyone involved… and get the job done!