Having a purpose, a goal, is often what drives us forward along the road of life. It’s what motivates, energizes, and encourages us. It’s also a big part of reinforcing our sense of confidence and self-worth. Inevitably, as we get older, that ‘purpose’ can change shape. But regardless of the stage of life, it remains vitally important.
The same is true for those with dementia. Despite symptoms that can impair cognition and communication, having a sense of purpose goes hand-in-hand with a sense of well-being.
How Jim Helped Jackie with Her “Sense of Purpose” While Living with her Dementia
In the case of ‘Jackie’ and ‘Jim’, a couple that I’ve been supporting, ‘Jim’ (Jackie’s husband and caregiver) learned to help encourage Jackie by incorporating a sense of purpose into her daily routine.
He did this by shifting his perspective regarding the behaviour that Jackie was displaying.
At first, it was difficult for Jim to see the value in what she was doing. Every day, after supper, she would sift through the garbage and sort out items to recycle. In Jim’s eyes, it seemed messy, unnecessary, and unreasonable. ‘Why do you bother with the garbage when you can put your feet up and relax?’, Jim wondered.
Frustrated, Jim tried persuading Jackie to just sit and unwind after dinnertime, but to no avail.
Jackie continued sorting through the garbage items. She would clean some of them but not all (much to Jim’s annoyance) and then chuck them in the recycling bin. Sometimes tensions would rise and they’d even get into arguments over what did or did not need to be recycled.
To help keep the peace, Jim turned to me for advice.
Our Creative Solution to Keep the Peace
During our conversation, he mentioned to me that he knew some of the items he put in the garbage could be recycled. But he didn’t want to scrub and clean every single dirty item. Seeing these items sitting in the garbage instead of the recycling bin. It was triggering Jackie’s instinct to go fix what she viewed as a problem.
I explained to Jim that Jackie’s urge to problem-solve should actually be viewed as a positive, instead of a negative.
The recycling activity was giving her a way to be productive. Even though her method was different from Jim’s, she was deriving a feeling of satisfaction from it that she couldn’t get from merely sitting in her chair.
Since Jackie was no longer able to cook meals as she once did, I discussed with Jim how it would be best for her to not only continue sorting out the recycling. But perhaps also to clean the table and countertops after dinner as well, if that would make her happy.
Jim readily adopted the new approach, and evenings soon became free of arguments and friction. When caring for someone living with dementia, we always remind people of the importance of keeping the peace between care-giver and care-receiver.
Sometimes it’s easy for all of us, including caregivers, to forget to focus on what a person living with symptoms of dementia can do, instead of what they can’t do.
As Jim and Jackie’s story highlights, our instinct to protect can sometimes unintentionally become a limiting factor for the person with dementia.
It’s important to remember that despite symptoms, someone with dementia can still live a purposeful life. Encouraging them to embrace this sense of purpose, even in the smallest ways, can make all the difference.
